Comic ADDstravaganza!!!!

I lack the ability to concentrate on a single project, so I will be posting these comics I am going to try to get published on the UTD Mercury. They are about life as a commuting student at UTD. They will definitely venture out past just that aspect, so look forward to hijinx and danger!

I am also working on finishing Imaginary Stitches and starting a new story tentatively called "The Elevator," and also working on concept art for the book I will be writing. That one is my grand project that will take a couple of years, seeing as it requires research, and many many many sketch books. I will be keeping people informed.

From the best show ever...

Found this today. Colin Meloy either taking my phone or giving it back.

That's my hand!!! Wooo

WOO!

Okay, so it has been a few months since my last post, and not much has happened besides a really really really good show.

I got to see The Decemberists here in Dallas this past wednesday. Needless to say, the show was amazing, as the band itself. The latest album, The Crane Wife, is perhaps the bands most well-rounded album, having a circular, epic feel that leaves wanting to listen from the beginning once it is over.

Colin Meloy, with his prowess at the art of showmanship, made the show a spectacle to be seen. Even though my guest to the show didn't quite appreciate it as much as I did, my appreciation for the show was worth the entire 40 dollars I paid. I can proudly say Colin Meloy made a phone call from my phone to my sister during the show and sang part of "The Culling of the Fold" into it. IT WAS AMAZING!!!

The next page of the comic might go up over Thanksgiving, once I have free time. I'm looking forward to that. Either that, or I will cut this particular story short and write stand alone stories.

Time to relax.

I have not even started working on the next page of IS. But be assured that before long you will see the next issue. In the meanwhile, I have been sketching alot. I am ridiculously tired right now though. I built a pinhole camera and have been having fun with that. Also expect some product photography! Right now, I need a drink.

I started my Teach For America application yesterday. I can't believe it. Last year of my undergraduate education. Life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would, but rarely anyone's does.
I am torn between applying for the big city that never sleeps or a rural area in South Dakota Native American reservations.

WOO WHO!!!...?

Here is page three. Enjoy! Page four will most likely be a week from now.

EAT THAT POOR SELF-IMAGE!

Wednesday, I can say, was productive.

Comic was inked, scanned, arranged, flattened, colors removed, ready for painting. Photogram ideas floating around my head, fixed the light leak on the bellows to my new (to me, anyways) camera, taught Jacob and John how to set up the dark room, and John was there for clean up. Went and picked up Days We Would Rather Know, a collection of poems by Michael Blumenthal. Amazing, go pick up a copy. The way things are going, time will run out for me before I finish life. Imaginary Stitches is tearing out my stitches. This is, however, a lesson in writing. I need to write in images, and make each one meaningful, and make every part essential. Perhaps every page in this comic is essential, but I feel it moves too slowly. Maybe that's just the me that wants everything fast speaking. I need to slow down and breath and go to sleep soon to wake up, bright and early, to go learn to be a poet, and come back and paint all day long. Paint Paint Paint! Comic might be done tomorrow evening. As long as I don't die, it will be here before the weekend!

AAAGHH!

I am so behind schedule for the comic. This week, although I will try my hardest to get it done as soon as I possibly can, seems to suggest that the release of page three will not be until Friday. I am so tired. I've been up since six and working pretty much non-stop. I got home at around 7 and have been organizing my room as a studio and bedroom. At least I have an internet connection now. This will make uploading things easier. Huzzah!

Today's thing to think about...

I need to talk about Vera Brosgol some more. More specifically, her one page work in Flight Volume Two, "Salmoning."
There's plenty of times I always wonder if I'm going down the right current, or if I took a wrong turn somewhere, and I can't turn back and go the right way. Well, besides the deep philosophical implications of this work, the work is truely Vera Brosgol creating beautiful work.
Go buy Flight, all three volumes so far, and read all the rest of the stories. I can't promote this series enough. So go buy them.
Click on the title for a link to Vera's "Salmoning" from the Flight 2 preview site.

The now deleted idea...

Was total bullcrap. I'll be working diligently and producing artistic works with literary value no matter how much time they take, although you can expect something weekly.

Page 2!

Page two, still on wednesday, as promised. I need to start working on page three immediately to get it done on time for early wednesday next week. Without further ado...*artstuffs partially contributed by the talented Claire Brown.

So Far, So Good.

Page two progress is going great. Scanning right now. I'm much happier with the new drawings, and I even had time to do a sketch! I drew this and then played with some prismacolor pencils, so I didn't color all the hair. This took about 3 minutes. I hate coloring in hair by hand.

I can't get no satisfaction

...from looking at page two, so I am going to redraw it and rescan it. I'll be working on this all day today, so late wednesday (afternoon or evening) might be when page two will go up. Hopefully I will be happy with it.

Quick drawing of the day!

I drew this today, pencilled and inked, trying to draw something heartfelt. I don't know about anyone else, but there is something about public transportation, listening to music, and holding hands that makes my heart hopeful. Someday. Well, yeah, this is kinda cheesy, but I'm a pretty cheesy fellow.

I'm back!

The last couple of days have been hectic. Miserable, I might even go as far to say. But I've started page two and should pencil and start inking tomorrow. I do, however, have class from 9 to noon, so I should be going to sleep soon.
I'm looking forward to "Project: Romantic." You can find a link to a preview by clicking on the title of this entry, or clicking here. My favorite page is Part IV of "Kingdom Animalia Illustrated."



























Sometimes you see things that make you laugh at the heart break you've been through, and that helps. But enough emotional talk.
I am nearly finished with the comic paintings I'm doing of Claire and Caroline. They are the actual real life incarnations of Shelly and Amy, respectively, from John Allison's Scary-Go-Round. Seriously. So I might take them to the imaging people before I give them the paintings, or if that fails, take them up to school and use the copy stand. I'll have to get good slide film and scan them on my computer once they are developed. I will not, however be putting them on here, for I think that takes away their value. Caroline will be posting hers on her myspace, however.
With that said, I can't wait to recieve my copies of Flight 1 and 2, and I'll have to re-order volume 3 since it got water damage tonight. Grr!

It's Wednesday!!

And as promised, here is page one of Imaginary Stitches. Expect page two next week.

Something good to listen to.

The broadcast I heard this last saturday of This American Life on the radio was perhaps the most touching program I have ever listened to. "Last Words." This is all I can say about it. Go listen to it. You can find it here. Although morbid, powerfully thought-motivating.
Expect to see a comic on death after Imaginary Stitches, the first page of which will go up on Wednesday, and a new page will be added every wednesday after that.

The First Story's First Page.

I finally got one page of the first story completely drawn, inked, scanned, and colored. Scanning took longer than I though it would take, mostly because i had a very hard time lining up the parts of the scan. My flat bed scanner has a recess where the glass is, and when the top is closed, the flattener pushes part of the board in and it creates a curve, distorting the scan. then it's nearly impossible to the all the lines to match up. I finally got it to work by scanning in two parts, not using the flattener, and putting part of the board on the outside of the scanning area. I spent a couple of hours in this step.
The first story I've decided to illustrate (my mom used this word for what I'm doing, I liked it better than comicking) is Imaginary Stitches, one of my better short stories. I wrote this one last summer. If you have read the story, good for you, but if you haven't, you'll get to see it in living color!
Anyways, I haven't yet decided a schedule for the comic (although for sure I've narrowed it down to one update a week, at least for now, as it takes me forever to get a single page done. I might increase to two a week once I get the hang of it), and I'm still working on ideas for an actual website for the comic. I don't want to put up the first page yet though, maybe tomorrow. In the meanwhile, here is a sneak preview at perhaps my serial comic, which will be a factual account of my life. Seriously. (Character based on me, although I did take some flattering liberties.) Click to GRANDITIZE IT!!!

This is another test. I was messing with creating the lines in their own layer, and checking how color was going to work. This was done using the trackpad on my powerbook. I definitely need a drawing tablet. I might have to go buy one right now.

I might as well get started.

Today I purchased a copy of photoshop and a scanner, which will double as a tool for my photography and my comic art. I haven't started coloring yet, but I scanned one of my test drawings and tested photoshop's ability at removing blue lines. It works.

Seeing as I am not going to school for drawing and classical animation, I have taken it upon myself to learn from others by reading what they have to say and seeing all the wonderful works. I, being the sappy sap that I am, have fallen in love with Vera Brosgol. I did not know this until today, but she is the author of "Return to Sender," a wonderful comic that was never finished. I was first introduced to the comic last year when Sarah showed it to me. I also found out Vera drew the "Skeletor Tries His Luck" sketch, which was Sarah's AIM icon for the longest time. Who would have known I'd considered Vera Brosgol as one of my top favorite artists. Check out her art and animation at www.verabee.com.

The point of this entry is clear. I am going to start inking "Imaginary Stitches" (and continue drawing it) as soon as I get a desk, which should be this weekend. If not, I'll keep on working on the floor.

Classes start next Thursday. I'll be buying a large format camera soon, and cheap 35mm film to do those annoying introductory assignments.

Stay Tuned.

Coming to a Blog Near You!!

My latest endeavor into the realm of the arts has been one that I've been wanting to do for a while, but only until a few days ago had the time and funding to start. Well, half start.
I recently started creating graphic short stories (as in comics, not the bad kind of graphic) based on my short stories I've written over the last couple of years. That's only half of the project, however, as the other half is creating a comic that I update regularly. This probably will not go up until I have made several episodes, after which I will have gotten the hang of making them, and will be able to post them twice a week and keep up with the production of new episodes. This, of course, involves time to write, time to storyboard (or plan a layout, since comics are pretty much fully fledged storyboards), pencil, ink, scan, and color in photoshop. I expect this to take up a large portion of my time, which unfortunately, still being in school (one more year!!), i might not have enough of. Also I lack a scanner and a copy of Photoshop (both of which I plan to buy as soon as I recieve money from the school).
Also, on my lists of projects (forced upon me, but which I will complete fully willingly) are the assignemts for the two photography classes which I am taking. I am in the process of buying a large format camera (also waiting for school money), which will be an excellent way to be able to divide my time between the two classes. I hate having to take out an unfinished roll of film because I need to change from color to black and white, or vice versa. So expect great things from those projects as well.
Third on my plate for this fall session, I will be writing poetry. I plan to incorporate this poetry into both my other projects (if it is any good, I have not taken a poetry class before, except what we went over in middle and high school for a week each year). There will be photographs based on my poetry, and maybe even comics based on it. I guess we will have to wait and see.
This, along with work at Mad Science, is probably all I will have time for this fall. I don't plan on socializing much, unless of course I meet a special lady, in which case be prepared for works inspired by her as well. But until further notice, all works will be inspired by my ex, Sarah Ferguson. Yep, the Dutchess of York. Nothing like a little heart break (coupled with a few martinis, or course) to get the creative process rolling.

Music

Have you ever had an album that when you listen to it, it is as if the artist was writing the soundtrack of your life? Everytime you listen to it (which is as often as possible), you find yourself relieved that someone's situation is the same as your own. And you listen to it over and over. As soon as you buy it, you listen to it on the way home, and at home, you put the cd on your computer and let it play on repeat. As you fall asleep at night, you let it lull you to sleep. And in the morning, it is the first thing you hear, and it invigorates you, whatever the songs may be about, whatever you have been through, this constant reminder of that event that affected you so deeply, a death, a break up, the music helps heal you. You realize that someone else has been through this, and you feel comforted by the fact that your heart is not the only broken one. Do you have an album like that? A song which captures your soul?

A True Story

I was not born into a wealthy family. For most of my life, I grew up in a home that struggled to get by. It wasn't because my dad was lazy, or because my mother did not keep a budget well. My dad is actually one of the hardest working people I know. He was a Baptist preacher, but worked as an electronic technician during the week. My mother spent our income wisely. We always had food on the table, and we were always warm in the winters. No, we struggled because we always seems to have luck against us. I mean, I was raised into not believe in luck, but as life would have it, something always happened to set us back.
The summer before the fifth grade was one of the worst I remember. My dad had been offered a job at a church a long way from the town we had grown up in. Moving there would change everything. New schools, new friends, new attitudes on life. The church had arranged for a parsonage, but before we could move in, it had to be remodeled.
After several weeks of staying with an old lady from the church, the house was nearly completed. We moved all of our belongings into the house. A problem with the plumbing meant anyone who needed to use the bathroom would have to walk to the church. For my mother's sake, we stayed at the lady's house one more night.
It was on the television, in the papers. Reports of arson, a house burned down.
We lost everything. Literally, up in smoke. All of our belongings were scorched: clothes, furniture, memories, our bright future. We had nothing but what we had with us. But we survived. We did not live a life with any luxuries for years. We accepted charity, my father took a job as a janitor at the school I attended. He always had a smile on his face. I cried late at night sometimes.
We lived in the housing projects for a while, we could not afford electricity for a few months. We borrowed the neighbors and paid them with what we could.
Eventually, we would be able to afford a small mobile home, and a rented lot in a trailer park. Sometimes we could not afford food, and we did not qualify for assistance from welfare, since both my parents were employed. My mother worked as an assistant at the county offices, filling out documents, running numbers. My dad did not want to mop floors anymore. He took the biggest risk of his life. He quit his job and attended the university in town full time. Now all the financial burden was on my mother. I thought my father was lazy, I thought we was being irresponsible. My mother spent hours at work, making barely enough to get by. Most of our food came from the local food pantry. My dad bought expensive books and sat around reading them for long hours. I resented him. He did no work. I cried late at night sometimes.
My father graduated from school when I was a freshman in high school. Four years had gone by since we moved from our comfortable life near family, near old friends. In all those years, we were never hungry. We were never cold in the winters. At last, my father had completed his schooling. When he started, he barely could speak english. He had trouble communicating, and sometimes he still does. But he graduated with a degree in sociology. He found a job as a counselor for underpriviledged children at the elementary school my little brother attended. Throughout all of this, our parents never enrolled us in this program. We were poorer than these at times, but there was hope at the end of the dark tunnel. both my parents were employed, and we managed to get by, buying our own food, our own clothes.
My parents are getting along well today. They still live in the trailer, but we recovered after those long, painful years. Thinking back, I cry late at night sometimes. We made it. We made it.

I love a girl who burned my heart down. As the walls of my heart crumbled into glowing embers on the bare floor of my soul, I became enraged. I had built that love up, I nurtured it from it's weak, infantile days. And now it smoldered, ashes blowing up into the air, a pile of soot, black and soon cold. As I grew to accept this pillar of nothingness, something I did not expect happened. A phoenix. In it's eyes was a dim glimmer. A revived hope. Although everything I had was lost, here is a new chance, a clean slate. My love for her is stronger than it was, a renewed emotion. So I wrote her a letter. I wrote her my heart, I wrote her my secret. The clouds of smoke that once blackened the sky were gone. I would do anything to make this last. I still wait for a response. I still wait.

ever night

The small rectangular window
let's me see this machine's wing.
Outside the sun is setting
red, like crying eyes.
I last saw you on the other
side of the world. The sun rose
from cold, windy eastern skies
yellow, like your hair.
The words you said are with me still.
The touch of lips to lips gone.
And you interred lie sleeping,
black, in ever night.

the kids were sick.

the kids are sick
they cough in bed.
they toss and turn.
fevers cause images
in their heads to burn.
the kids are sick.
their sheets are wet
with sickly sweat.
and I? i wait.
burning foreheads.
the kids are sick.
the sun rises
and bodies are still
and everything says
they're sleeping, so still.
the kids were sick.

A short story that I am writing right now!

"I never really thought it would be this hard." Melissa took of her apron and threw it over the recliner. Several pens fell out of the pocket.
I picked up the pens. Two of them where Bics with blue caps, and one of them was a novelty pen I had bought her on my trip to Seattle. "You just have to tell them what you think." I put the pens into the apron pocket and hung it on the coat rack.
Mary had wavy blonde hair, and when she worked she put it up. When she got home she would untie it and wave it around to untangle it. "The thing is, I can't." She ran her fingers through her hair.
...
to be cont.

Another Rant

Today I will rant about the objectivity of women in today's society. In particular, I will bash the AXE company, since it has been brought to my attention that their advertising not only puts men in a fantasized control over women, but that this power is granted by a spray which can be bought at the store for about five dollars. Are there really men out there who think this way? Are there really women out there who let themselves be portrayed in this way? Why don't the good guys and girls say anything about this? Why is this company putting out commercial after commercial? Are there people actually buying this product for the reason that it was portrayed? Are there people who buy this product, despite of the way it is advertized? Why support this product, and this portrayal of women as an object? I don't know about you, but I know I will not purchase this product, or any other product which degrades the equality of man and woman. That is all.

It's sad, really.

It has been said that I look like a madman with my short hair. It's horrible really, but it's true. I have even been compared to brad pitt! It's true, just look at the picture. Crazy.

Brad Pitt in "Twelve Monkeys"



I look even crazier than that. I hate it. So much for "professional."

Birthdays?

I wish I was little again.

The start of a habit

This is from the first time I tried to cut my hair. I have gotten much better since.

The Hudson

A barge on the Hudson River. Experimenting with simple Photoshop filters.

Broken Bones

Today I fell on the ice and broke both my elbows. Well, maybe they are not broken, but they hurt like nothing else. This has taught me a lesson: Jehu's don't like icy sidewalks, especially while carrying my powerbook. boo on ice...

to look forward, one must know where they came from...

Today I was reading all about the history of photography. I read how cameras obscura's were used by drawers and painters to get perspective down, and how they used that technology to look at solar eclipses. It was a really interesting history. It served to make me even more enthusiastic and motivated to one day be mentioned in a photography history book. I don't know what about yet, but I think it's a good idea.

A New Leaf

After much deliberation and many many hours thinking about nothing, and then suddenly thinking about baseball, I have decided to become a Yankees fan. I think this is for the best.

This will tell you what I am doing.

I AM HATING ON ZOMBIES!!! Also Megan told me to write in this... i think?

To All Who Care to Listen.

Everything on this planet, in this solar system, in this universe, and any other universes that might exist stays together because there exists a God with infinite power and wisdom. He keeps every electron spinning and knows exactly how fast it is going and exactly where it is. He keeps every proton in the nucleus, every string that makes up each particle, and every sublevel below that in existance. He is the law that makes atoms attracted to each other. He is in the space between everything that exists and is also in everything that exists. His presence is ever pervading. Why is it that we don't believe that anything is possible. Sure, we can say it, but do we believe with our hearts? Do we have faith? God incarnate, our Saviour Jesus Christ, said that if we had the smallest amount faith we could tell mountains to uproot themselves and they would. He said were to be doing things much greater than he ever did. He said faith in Him (God) is all it takes. Look at us today. We worry about getting to the next paycheck, we worry about the grades we will make in classes, we worry about the school we will make it into, we worry about getting where we are going. Why is it that when the Lord we believe in tells us we are meant for greater things that even He did that we get caught up in all this mundane noise? He said that if even the flowers of the field are dressed and the birds get their fill, why not we, who are God's prize creation, will be even more taken care of. I have a challenge for all of us. Christ gave us this one order. The greatest one. Love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. Heart, Soul, Mind. Heart: All of our feelings should be of love towards our God. Mind: All our thoughts should focus on his infinite love for us. Soul: The essential core of what makes us human should know God is what keeps us, and love him. It doesn't say "love the lord with all your soul, but with your mind you should worry about the next paycheck, and with your heart you should worry about finding a wife." No! Everything that we want will come afterwards. Not as rewards for our love for him, but as gifts we don't deserve. I have a challenge for all of us, including myself. We have the power Christ gave us to do even more than he did. We have this commandment of love for Him, and love for others. What if we did just that. Every moment of everyday this week give Him praise for everything. In our minds, we will know he is the keeper of everything. This is to be our only thought. In our hearts, we are to know that he loves us deeper than any love we can find here on earth. In our souls we are to be devoted to searching out his infinite wisdom. Even for a day, if we can, to truly love Him with all that we are, will give us the faith to get through anything. It also enlightens us to realize that we are not put here for ourselves, but for him. For His glory. How will we glorify Him? By loving our neighbors as ourselves. We have the need to eat, to drink, for shelter, for love. We give all this to ourselves, but when we look besides us, we don't worry about other people. Take a look again. Are you loving those around you as yourself? I know I fail at this time and time again. But let's all try for at least one day. We will have faith to make mountains move. We can literally change the face of this world. In the deserts streams will flow and life will grow. I believe in the literal power of Christ. I believe he meant for us to do so much more that what we have been doing. Let's try it for a day. He gave us his word that we can do it, much as he gave us his word, and we came into existance. I know I will try everyday.

This is what I believe. Ask me about any questions you may have.

This is my time to pay?

I think depression is taking hold again. I don't feel well at all. There is no reason. I feel really hungry, but once i have food in front of me, I quickly loose my appetite. I feel like my stomach is empty even after eating the what i can. I feel like doing nothing with no one, and i know that is not healthy. The friends i've made here are great, but at the moment I wish I didn't know anyone, because then I'd have a reason to be depressed. These chemicals imbalances are not worth the trouble they cause. Could it be that i'm addicted to being depressed? Could it be that my body has built up a dependancy on this chemical that causes sadness? I don't know. I don't know... but i do know one thing. I will not let this overcome me...

Alone

"Alone at last. Just nostalgia and I. We were sure to have a blast..."
I miss my friends. It's been two days here at UNT and I feel quite alone and bored. I thought it would not be that bad to get away, but I guess when we lose what we take for granted, we really realize how much it means to us. I miss everybody. I've been bored here. Sitting in front of a computer all day is the worst thing I have ever done. It's the reason why I switched to photography. I think tomorrow I will go shoot or get the roll of film from new york that i missed developed. I thought I had defeated codependance, but lately I don't want to do anything if I'm doing it alone. I don't know. Perhaps I will check to see if there are any BSU activities tomorrow. It will be good. I need to make friends.

Redemption...

I think I have taken a turn for the worst lately. I feel crowded again, and I can't wait to get out of this rut I'm in. In a couple of days I will be leaving this town. I won't see people as often as I see them now. I will be in a brand new place. I say that knowing that I've been there before, but knowing It's not going to be the same at all. I will be studying somthing different, I will know different people, and my life will be worth something else. Sometimes I think I am not strong enough to face the future, but I am reminded that whatever I do face I was meant to face. People I know I was meant to know. Choices I make I was meant to take. I'm not saying there is no right or wrong. There is definately a clear distinction between what is right and what is wrong, but every choice I make, even if it is a mistake, I was meant to make.
Someone told me to not say never. She is correct. I do believe in forever, though. I believe in things that last. People make it hard to remember this. We get caught up in so many petty things. "This person doesn't like me, that person hurt my feelings." Focus on what is real. Don't make relationships in which all you do is talk about foolishness. Create deep relationships. Nurture them. Make something that will last forever, but remember that it is right now that you live. Don't dwell on the past, don't live in the future. This is your time to live. This is your time to live. Right now.
I have not spoken about my trip to New York. It's not because I don't want to, but it's because for me it was a time of mental rest. That's over with. A nice in between, if you will. But now I am back in Texas. This is right now. This is your time to live.

Good News

Today I recieved an email informing me of the acceptance of one of my photographs for publication in the next issue of the UTD Sojourn Journal of The Arts. I am very happy about this. It motivates me to keep going. One publication is the beginning, more will come. I will show the world beauty and truth through my photographs. I know this is only the beginning.

Hooked on it...

I have discovered I love to fish. I sorta knew it, but now I know it's therapeutic. I found a good spot to fish over on Renner and Synergy. I caught six small mouth bass in less than 45 minutes, and four of those were two in a row catches. I also had a few get away. It was a nice way to relax, but I left because the bugs were eating me up...

On Photography

Black and white photography is beautiful. It's not what the photograph looks like that is captivating, but what is in the photograph that draws all the attention. It's hard to have a good subject matter and composition, but when you find what you need to have in the picture, it's beautiful.
Color photography, in comparison, is only beautiful when the colors are perfect. It is hard to have perfect color, but it's possible. Blue eyes to me are beautiful. In a photograph, showing blue eyes is hard, but with deep rich colors, it is amazing.

The Last Couple of Weeks

It feels like I am nearing the close of yet another chapter in my life. New York will be the a small interlude in which important things might happen, but after New York is something totally new. I as of yet do not have a place to live before I move into the UNT dorms on Sunday, August 21st. I am not worried about it, however. There is that week and a half where I might be floating around. I need to move my things out of this house before New York. Also move myself out before New York.
One of the things I am most scared of concerning this trip is the flight there and back. I am terrified that if I die, I will not have finished things I started. I am not afraid of dying for my sake, but for the sake of people I love. This is my biggest fear.
On a lighter, sooner note, I will be going on a trip tonight to go float down the Caddo river. I love these get away times. Last time was El Paso, the week before that was camping, and this weekend it will be floating down a river in Arkansas. School is almost over for the summer. Just a few more class times. Almost there.
There is a lesson to be learned in everything. For me, the lesson I have learned lately is that I don't need tests to tell me what I should already know about myself. I was surprised at how accurate the test was, but I was more suprised what I knew those things about myself. I felt good knowing I knew myself. Do you?
I need to start packing... both for floating and to move out.

My Strength

I took a strength finder test the other day and it told me what I already knew but in words that make sense to other people.

Mine is Connectedness.

The book describes it as such:
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries.

Green Light

Yesterday, while driving, I came to a stop at a light behind another car. I wanted to turn right, and the car in front of me wanted to go straight. I was angry because he could have stop at the other lane which both goes straight and can turn left. The driver however stopped in front of me. There were no cars coming from the left, and i could have turned a long time before the light turned green had he stopped at the other lane.
Waiting at the light, I heard a bird singing. It was late at night, and I was in the city. The wind blowing into the car was cool, and the birds song was soothing. Last week I went camping and was woken up by a bird singing very early in the morning in a tree near my tent. I had put my pillow over my head and had tried to go back to sleep. I got up after a few minutes. Outside the sky was a dark shade of blue and in the eastern sky the sun shone red. I watched it rise few inches and listened to the song of the bird. When life gives you these moments, you don't want to let go.
The light turned green and the car in front of me sped off. I listened to the bird singing and stepped on the gas pedal. "It's about time," I said, and turned right.

My Thirteen-Year-Old Self Broke Into My Room

And he was confused. He did not know who lived there. He saw nothing really familiar. He was mad at me for not being who he thought I was going to be. I felt sorry for him because he was naive. He had not yet figured out what life was about. I saw him cry in the corner of my room, and I cried on the other corner. He looked at me and wondered why I dress the way I do. He wants me to be an architect. I want him to open his eyes.
But we talked and got to know each other. We have so much in common. We have so many differences.
He saw my guitar and told me he always really wanted to play it. I told him I learned just for him. He saw my books. Novels and collections of short stories. He said he spent most of his time in the library reading. I told him I would write something that would one day be in a library. He saw my photographs and said he was glad I was good at something. I told him I try my best. He listened to my music. He did not like it. He thought it was strange and he told me he would not listen to it again. I laughed. He went through my movies. He told me they looked boring and dumb. I reminded him he read some pretty dumb books, but he said he liked them.
He went through my clothes and told me he didn't like much of what I wear. I told him he would, in time. He found my drawing pad and told me he could do better. He was right. He went through my journals and wanted me to rewrite some of the entries and makek them happier. I told him it was too late, but that when I write future ones, I would try my best to make him happy.
He told me he liked to be alone. I answered him by saying it frightened me. He told me he went fishing last weekend. I told him I went yesterday, for the first time since he went. I promised him I would not go long without it again.
He said goodbye but he didn't leave. He is with me still. He likes to dress up as a ninja and climb trees. He wraps towels around his neck and pretends they are capes. He watches cartoons on saturday mornings and in the hot afternoons runs around outside fighting monsters and keeping the grass short. He has many adventures. I sit down and write about him.

Sometimes you have to get away...

I'll be going camping this weekend. Hopefully I will get some good pictures and a nice time of relaxation. Something is bound to be interesting enough for the camera. I'll let you know.
Also I have come to realize the meaning of it. I know what to do. I don't know how though. Life makes alot of sense when viewed from the right perspective.
Something that doesn't make sense to me is (or rather it makes sense, but it makes me really sad) that all of us come from the same original humans. It doesn't matter if you believe in creation of evolution, we all come from two original humans. The thing is, even though we are all related, we don't always treat or fellow humans as equals. I am guilty of this. I either put myself above others or put myself so down that I grow angry at others for being so above me. It makes sense to me that we are all called to be humbled and to put others before us, but when it doesn't happen, when not everybody does it, society ends up like it is right now. We have the rich eating the flesh of the poor as they toil away to give the middle class what they want. It is not fair. I am guilty of this. But this is not what is supposed to be going on. Capitalism is only better than socialism because doctors get paid to save lives, because engineers amass fortunes inventing technology that not only is useless in furthering the thoughts and mind of people, but rather slowly cripples mankind. In socialism nobody helped anybody because there was nothing to profit. But the flaw was not in the system. The flaw is in the person. When we learn to not live our lives seeking to profit from every endevour, we will see that a society of equality without social ranks is really what is best for mankind. I know that this is not possible in the world as it is today. I know that every human being has to not look to improving himself but to improving those around him. When everybody is doing this, the world will be a fantastic place to live in. No more war, no more hunger, no more sadness. Think about it: A world where everyone supports everyone else doing what they were born to do with the skills innate to each person. This is the key to the utopia we have all been searching for but have not found: Selflessness. That is it. That is all I have to say.

Sometimes I die

I tried peotry today... Weird. Comments are welcome only if you do not get it. Questions are welcome. I don't want to say "thank you."

"Sometimes I Die"

Sometimes I die. I die when I realize I am small. I die when the leaves grow on the trees and I know I can't turn the seasons forward. The veins split and split and split across the green. My blood stops running and my eyes turn red. I wait for the leaves to fall.
Sometimes I die. I die when I realize I am not enough. I die when the sun burns in the sky and the I know that it will burn. The ground cracks and cracks and cracks across the land. My blood stops running and my eyes turn red. I wait for the clouds to form.
Sometimes I live. I live when I realize I have been given a second chance. I live when I see my eyes in the mirror and I know who made them. My love grows and grows and grows in me. My blood runs and my eyes can see. I wait for You to come.

I have a place to live in the fall.

I have recieved my room assignment for the fall. I will be living in Maple Hall, room B215. I am pretty excited about this. I might even turn the room into a darkroom.

new pictures

there are some new pictures up on my da. check them out at http://jehucampos.deviantart.com

Cutest Little Girl Ever

Eric and Krissanne's Daughter

in association with

I am going to post all my pictures at deviant art. you can expect too keep seeing the comic here, but all my photographs are going to be on deviant art. i'll let you know when I put them up though, so check them out. jehucampos.deviantart.com

also art

i just recently scanned some pictures. i spent my whole day scanning all the best pictures i've taken. i will eventually put them all up one by one.

my knights don't wear shining armor

i really don't have anything to say about this other than i am not too pleased with it. i could not find the right words to say. this is all i could come up with. it doesn't make much sense, but it makes me sad.

there is no title

i am glad to have some friends who think in challenging ways. they do not take things at face value, but they look for something deeper. this is a thank you note. thank you for thinking the way you do. thank you for intelligent conversations. thank you for being who you are. you know who you are, yet you do not put yourself above others. thank you.

i guess this is a post

I am just posting to try out this cool new widget i found. also, I find a quote.
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable"
-John F. Kennedy
just a thought.

soon

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

just wait, it will be better soon...

A short word on depression

You may laugh and think that i am kidding when i say I am depressed because in the past i have done a good job of hiding it really well. To tell the truth, depression is a horrible state of emotion. Knowing that there is nothing to be sad about and feeling like death is a good option is not what i'd like to feel like everyday. What is even worse, depression when there is something bothering you amplifies the worry even more. When it is something pretty big that is weighing down on you, your emotions really do get the best of you. Loneliness seems everlasting and no amount of company can cheer you up. No matter who is with you or what they say, nothing seems to snap you out of it. You feel like crying but the tears don't come. It is definately no laughing matter. I appreciate those who understand.

do you understand?

I don't really have much to say today other than I to state my goal for the future: revolution. my medium: photography. i don't really know how i'm going to do it, but i am going to show the world through photographs and change the mindset of people. The motivation: selfless love. I don't want to live a life dedicated to living the american dream. there's got to be more than that. more...

selfless love... i once heard this definition of love. to love (because it is a verb) is to give the all of oneself without expecting anything in return. i'm trying. i really am...

i need a hug

I have never been more scared in my life. Never. What is going to happen next year? What big changes are going to come about. I can honestly say that i have never felt this way before. Not even when I left home for the first time or when I graduated from highschool. this is the first time i have felt confused and yet in a strange way i feel excited. I am barely two weeks into the summer and already I have begun counting down to the fall. a new school, even though it isn't new to me. I am going to be studying something i feel i can do for the rest of my life, and yet the future seems completely hazy. I cannot hold on to anything for it's likely to fade...

Fact

No one wants to read the angry rantings of a mad emo kid and his whiny complaints about the opposite sex or his grudges against life and how much it sucks. With that said, I apologize for the post on May the 4th. I'm sorry. I promise not to make anyone read any more whining on my behalf.
Also, production on a converse video will begin shortly. I will probably buy a powerbook sometime this month, so productivity will increase drastically. Also don't forget to keep checking in for more philosophy.

I got your letter...

I don't know exactly why I am here, but I know I am not here on accident. I know that everything I have done and everything that has happened that seemed out of control was really all planned out. Nothing happens that wasn't meant to happen. Nothing doesn't happen what was not supposed to happen.
It is nearing Christmas break of my sophomore year in high school. In my french class, my teacher, Ying Smith, makes an announcement about a special school dedicated to bringing out the best of mathematically and scientifically inclined students. I was really not interested. My life was monotonous, but quite frankly, I didn't care. I had a friend in that french class. He was probably the only kid I ever hung out with outside of school. Ben Keechi: a mathematically and scientifically inclined kid. He convinced me to apply with him to the Texas Academy of Math and Science. I really did not want to go, and the only reason I even considered it was because I would be losing my only buddy. I conferred with my parents. At first I could tell they were hesitant: losing their first boy two years before they had planned, but the school was paid for by the state. It was economically sound, but they didn't want me to leave. Being only 15 years old, I naturally did some rebelling and convinced them to let me try. So I applied and I was accepted in May, after being on the wait-list.
But that's not where things started. You could say they started when I was born. If you want to go further back, you could say that they started when my mom and dad met. This story really doesn't have a beginning, but I am hoping that it has a happy ending. The point of this random post is this:
Nothing is an accident. If everything was coincidence, there would be no meaning in relationships, friendships, trials, hardships, or the good times. Everything that happens has to come from somewhere to be meaningful. From losing loved ones to falling in love to going to different schools to sitting and having a cup of coffee discussing the latest Wes Anderson film, we were meant to do it...

Otherwise, what's the point?

Melancholy

Today has been a dreary day. The sky is grey, my heart is blue. The title of this blog is personified in today. I do not know what is causing this imbalance in me. Perhaps I slept too long. Perhaps I am afraid of what will happen tomorrow. Perhaps I am lonely and have been for too long. I look back and remember the times when I felt like this, but they are different than today. What is wrong? Sometimes this feeling comes on me telling me to run away and leave everything behind. What can I do? I don't feel threatened by the people or the circumstances. Why do I feel this way?

A Revision

This is a remake of one of my earlier ideas. the picture is totally different, of course, but it conveys more the feeling i was going for.

song of the day

this song is amazing in it's simplicity. beautiful and extremely emotional, yet not emo in the least. wow.

Broken Social Scene

"Anthems for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl"

You used to be one of the rotten ones
and I liked you for that
Now you're all gone, got you're make-up on
And you're not coming.
Can't you come back?

Bleaching you're teeth
Smile and Flash
Talking trash under your breath,
Under my window.

Park that car,
Drop that phone,
Sleep on the floor,
Dream of me...

this song almost made me cry, and i don't cry often. it's that good. the vocals are amazing, the percussion provides a beautiful rythm, a violin, a guitar, and a banjo create amazing melodies. it's just amazing. i highly recommend it.

Aging

Clicking on the title of this page will send you to a face transformer website which is actually quite creepy. When I changed the picture of my face to see what i would look like as an old person, i looked exactly like my grandfather on my mom's side. crazy. it's definately worth a look.

Fortunate Fortunes

Today is quite possibly the only time that I ever get amazing fortune cookies. I'm not saying I believe in fortune cookies, but today I got some pretty interesting ones. One of them really got me thinking though. It said:
You stand in your own light. Make it shine.
I know i don't stand in my own light, but it's the second part that struck me. "Make it shine," it says. I try so hard. I want so badly to shine. There is so much gunk on this mirror that i can barely see who I am, much less shine. Am i trying so hard to look past all the grime that I don't realize i need to clean off the mirror to shine the light? I guess I was.
I am definitely excited about going to unt next year. Hopefully I'll be living in maple hall where I hope to shine. I have already registered for classes. They are the following:

ART 1440.001 Design I; Wed 1-1:50 PM; Lab: Tues, Thurs 10-11:50 AM; Instructor: Sally Packard.
It's apparently a design class. I have no idea what kind of designing i'll be doing. I'll make the best of it.
ART 2655.502 B&W Photography II; Tues, Thurs 3-5:50 PM; Instructor: Brent Phelps.
Since I took B&W Photgraphy I at utd, I assume this is the next course. I will have to see what happens as a result of this. I might have to take the first class again, though I doubt it.
ENGL 3140.003 Inter Creative Writing (Fiction); Tues 6:30-9:20 PM; Instructor: TBA.
Hopefully this is as good a class as the one here at utd. if you want to read any of my stuff you can request a copy via the comments.
PSCI 1040.001 American Government; Mon, Wed, Fri 9-9:50 AM; Instructor: Gloria Cox.
People said she was crazy, so what the heck. Gotta make it count.

That's not all I have to say today, but that's all i want to post.

Again with the music...

Beautiful. That is only one of the possible descriptions for The Album Leaf's "In A Safe Place." I highly recommend checking it out. It is amazing.

A band that is good

that is the death cab for cutie. awesome indie rock, beautiful lyrics delivered in amazing vocals by Ben Gibbard. i highly recommend checking them out. Start with "the photo album" album. beautiful songs.

if you like them, check out the postal service. amazing.

Facts of Life

Fact: Acorns are poisonous to humans, and, if eaten, will cause kidney damage.

crap. i am going to put my name on the kidney waiting list first things tomorrow.

Fact: Fortune cookies were actually invented in America, in 1918, by Charles Jung.

in bed? teehee...

Fact: When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack them.

be forewarned...

Fact: Coca-Cola was originally green.

makes you wonder, doesn't it john?

Fact: Before Thomas Edison’s invention of the light bulb, people slept an average of 10 hours a night.

to think that without the lightbulb, i would probably be sleeping or something right now...

And that's all for today. All those facts and more can be found at the Able and Baker online comic strip. Check it out. It's linked above.

Says the wisest man on Earth

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

here is what life is all about

are you ready? I am only saying this once. Life is all about being happy. Do what makes you happy. Don't strife to acheive wealth because when you die, you can't take it with you. Live life for today.

i so love drama

talk about life and death, talk about love and hate, talk about light and dark, but never say they are the same.

love defined:
love is not a feeling. it is not a fuzzy emotion in my stomach that makes me want to buy pink flowers and chocolates. love is an action. love is giving everything you have and when you've given your all, expecting nothing in return. that's it.

even if we come home empty handed...

i found a map to buried treasure. it's not going to be easy. as a matter of fact, it will be very difficult. but it is worth it... please come with me... please...



my hand is yours for the taking

you've done it again, but this is the end

i try hard to let your actions and your words go by unnoticed but your attitude is sour. so sour. you are like a sour selfish old man. i have never met anyone that could get away with it all, but you can. congratulations on your ability to change masks around the people you want to like you. you take the prize for best actor, but the picture came in dead last. congratulations on having yourself so figured out. i hope you have a happy life.

fell asleep in a pile of nails

new art photos coming soon. Also don't forget to comment on any of the previous pieces. i like the feedback, even if it's criticism. this is a kinda forced entry, i just felt i hadn't entered anything in a long time. well, have a good day.

that was tacky...

bored?

being alone isn't really all that bad. but promise me this. don't forget who you are. don't forget where you're from. if you can't be yourself, life in someone else's shoes is going to be alot harder. That's really all I have to say today.

i bet you'll want to know more

coming soon...



a tribute

if my mother died...

i would probably be very sad. I know how to tie my shoes. I would miss her so much. I took this picture the other day and i thought it looked fantastic. it looks way better on paper than it does on the computer. stupid film scanner. something as simple as tieing your shoes can have such emotional connotations. love your parents while you have them. everytime you leave their house could be the last time you see them alive.



so as not to end on such a down note, underoath concert today. it is time to rock out.

life's biggest problem

selfish people who don't realize that they are selfish people. i would say you know who you are, but you don't. you're too caught up in yourself to even know you hurt the people around you. you think you are a perfect person with perfect goals, but you could not be wronger. don't even try to tell me you are not selfish. you are. ask people who know you. you think you have many friends, but take off the mask you wear around everyone and you'll find yourself lonely. i hope you realize what you are doing before you find yourself all alone. but trust me, if you don't change, you'll end up washed up and sad. in all honesty, selfish people are mean jerks. i could say more but you probably stopped reading already.

photographical evidence of life on this planet

i don't know what i was thinking when i wrote the title to this entry. perhaps i was sick of all the fakeness and decided to say that i know there is something more. i am currently scanning some film, so i might post them later on. don't forget to leave a name on your comment, it lets me know who you are.

one of the straws caught the rest of the broom on fire

one of the things that makes me so mad in inconsideration. i don't see how some people can be so incosiderate. i don't claim to be innocent, but at least i know when i'm doing it and i feel remorse, and i seek to do something to make it up. some people however can't even see it and it upsets me, to say the least. stop one second and think about other people and stop thinking about your own agenda for 5 minutes. please. please. as contradictory as it may sound, for your own sake.

you can't spell funeral without "fun"

upon recent inspection of the word funeral, i realized that it's full of fun. or at least the almost half full of fun. the arcade fire is a great band. check them out. download them on itunes or buy the cd. don't steal it. it makes kittens die. seriously.

who to blame, the match or the arsonist?

i just want to say that some people don't know what they had in life until they're dead and gone. isn't that sad? take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why things are the way they are. don't blame other people for your problems. blame yourself. i'm not saying you should hate yourself for what you've done to yourself. you have to keep moving and change what you've been doing. if you aren't happy, if you feel lonely, if things feel too hard, you've only got yourself to blame. as for me, i don't care what you think.

the sideways glance

some people use it to look out their windows while in the car. i do. toonces the driving cat didn't, and he crashed multiple times. after the sideways glance and the obvious forward focus, don't forget to look back. expecially when changing lanes. mistakes in our past shape us into who we are and should keep us from falling into the same hole. keep an eye on them, but not two. look ahead. but remember. never forget.

this accursed astygmatism

don't quote me on the spelling. what is there to say when you have seen nothing or heard nothing? you can't talk without listening to speech. you can't talk about things you haven't seen. you need to be informed and educated. but don't take my word for it, figure it out yourself.




"don't give up fighting until nothing else gets in your way. don't give up talking until there's nothing left to say. no matter what you do, don't ever compromise what you believe"

everything was exactly how it seemed

i sat and thought about stuff and came up with this. also it's a pretty cool picture of me, which was needed to show everyone i am not a dark lord




i am unshaven at time of photograph. i was in a white abyss and couldn't find a razor anywhere.

it's true, it does sound like a train

sometimes life can seem like it's all going in one direction. but stop. no, really, stop. look around you. look behind you. look below you. there is no track. those are dotted lines that society wants you to follow. don't keep moving because you think you hear a train on the tracks. that noise is people lying to you. telling you to get a career, telling you to think like everyone else, telling you to keep in line until the day you die. don't believe them. free yourself and as many as you can. as cliche as it may sound, stop and smell the roses. don't be persuaded by what may seem like a happy life, but instead find out for yourself what makes you happy.

great movie?

The Motorcycle Diaries is probably one of the most touching films i've seen in a while. It is the story of the voyage that changed Ernesto "Che" Guevara's life forever. It made me think.

So many people working to stay alive, while the people they work under reap all the wealth and riches. It doesn't make sense that even here in the US that the wealth distribution is to a point of grave injustice. Everyday people go in to work hoping that one day they will get ahead in the game and just be even with the race, but every hour they put in for a minimal wage only makes the rich that much richer. There's got to be a better way.

now for something a la A Softer World

here is something inspired by a softer world. hopefully i won't get sued for copying style, and hopefully people will like it.



lindsay, don't get offended, this is fiction. I know you don't really want to kill me... i hope...

it's sad. i call it requiem for an escort...




...only for a moment, then the moment's gone...

www.ihatemycar.org

that's not a real link. not endorsed by me, anyways. yet. if it did exist, i would probably endorse it. as long as i didn't have to like my car.

I am thinking a bike would be cool to have. seriously. everyone should have one. and not have cars. they pollute the atmosphere.

keep your's safe from automobile zombies. they like chains.

dawn of the coupes

just like in old times, they will say. bikes will be seen going up and down streets, the air will be clean, and people will be healthy. all cars will have been deposited at one of 100 major automobile graveyards in the nation. everyone thought that they were say. but thoughts like that only get you dead. cars would come back from the dead. they will laugh at us and call us queer. they will point their discombobulated hoses at our bikes and in short, motorized grumblings will say "must eat bikes chains." then all hope will be lost.

does anyone have a chain wrench? i much need one to revive my car and keep it from eating my bike parts.

refraction and glare

sometimes you just need to look at life from a different angle, but sometimes the glare won't let you. you have to get special anti-reflection/refraction coatings or maybe even laser surgery if your plan covers it

eight is too early for anything. life should be lived past ten. in the morning. to two at night. that's eight hours of sleep. the world should shift it's schedule forward two hours.

it's nap time.

tomorrow will be a new day somewhere...

eh, so my car is still broken down, and my patience is running thin, but everything will be fine.

reminds me of a time when my leg was hurt and i couldn't walk. it was painful.

and aliens attacked but they had a.d.d, so we were all spared. pluto wasn't so lucky.

in case you didn't notice, i am trying to randomize my thoughts. it doesn't make sense, but it might someday on the moon.

the picture? yeah, i joined the dark side...

doesn't it look crazy? i was just messing with the levels and smoothened the grain out a bit.

can I recycle titles?

It's true, the hard times only make us stronger. I remember a time when we were close. I remember a time when I was a jerk. I remember a time when you were a jerk. I remember a time when we were mad. I remember a time when we are close again. And stronger. Do you?

Fools and sharp sticks

My car broke down today. I punched it in the face and kneed it in the muffler. I'll fix it tomorrow. Today, rather.

The hamster died on the wheel. No, just kidding, it's been long dead. This makes no sense.

Grow up. I did.